I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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