So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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