My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
