I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
