i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
