this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
