Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
