Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm like, not good at living.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
