I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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