Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
