I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
