there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
