he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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