Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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