I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
