Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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