she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
