But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
