help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
