why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
