I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
