I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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