When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
