yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
