Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
false alarm, still single
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
