How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
