did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
