Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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