So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
