Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
