It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Don't make out with my wife yet
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize