So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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