Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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