I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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