Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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