If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
