The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
