just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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