How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
