The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
