Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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