you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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