i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
