I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize