Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
