I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
