Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
