I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
