im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
