Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
