Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
