Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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