Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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