dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Randomize
