I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
