I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
