just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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