Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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