Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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