is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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