Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I love you. Go after that dick
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
