You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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