I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
