They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize