You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
