i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The struggles of a small town man whore
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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