i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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