You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
