Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
