Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
