She's JV to your varsity
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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