Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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