seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
